30th november : *random post*

did weeding this morning..

so.

many.

weeds.

Then after that..my sis and I srubbed the floor. We found ladybirds on a potted plant...so cute!

I also spotted a golden spider =O

okaaay so i cleaned up my room yesterday! It took me 3 hours + to clear up everything...






Before >...< and After :D

omg.

its over.

too numb to feel any excitement. Cant scream. Sore throat x..x

Hope life wouldn't be so boring without my friends.

Currently very happy ^^ juz feel like hugging around...better watch out :P

ok lets forget EVERYTHING in the past..lets look at my to-do-list after spm! hahahaha :D

1. Learn how to drive - i'll try to beat zet's pro driving xD

2. Learn how to play tennis - yeap! gonna learn with zet and himi =D anyone can join us for fun..

3. Train on swimming - my dad's gonna force my sis and i to swim probably 10 laps of a 50m pool a day..bleh! I'll drown at first..then i might get use to it i guess..need to keep fit!

4. PARTAY LIKE CRAZY

5. Learn to cook - the only thing i can cook now is egg and mamee. pathetic.

6. Community service - maybe at zoo negara or SPCA

7. Practice mandarin - my dad wont let me learn another language unless i brush up my mandarin -...-

8. Learn how to skateboard - I've got a skateboard since last year..tried learning from my bro..skated around my house..but its no fun cuz the floor isnt smooth..and im afraid i might fall..so i think we need proper lessons..gonna learn with zet and himi again ^^

9. Get a part time job - okay..the first job im gonna take is..to be an elf during xmas xD Then i might work at the puzzle shop in megamall..solving puzzles everyday lol

10. Dye my hair -maybe i shud make a red highlight or somethin..depending how much it cost..i've got a budget..

11. shopping - that'll be the first thing i'll do after spm!

12. maple??? - if everyone plays..i'll play

13. Read!!! - currently i have bought 7 new unread books. specially to keep me occupied during the holidays..but i dont think thats enough!

14. Typing test - aiming for 100 words per minute. gonna get a cert for that!

15. Watch anime! - bleach, tsubasa chronicles, and others recomended by zet and himi ^^

Tearing my heart apart..its the only way i could forget him

Sometimes i feel like shouting at him bout how hurt am i..but i noe very well its useless..i dont have the energy anyway..it'll go into wsste. But sometimes i think its worth it..

everyone has an evil side.
I just want him to regret. I want him to suffer in the future..some bad karma or something..let fate bring whatever to him..

I know this song is actually dedicated for girls but the lyrics of other parts are still similar to what im going through now.

Gone - 'NSync

There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Oh, seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange
and maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change
Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
But right now..I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains..You're gone..You're gone..
Baby you're gone
Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..You're gone..You're...
I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there's something that I could do
Won't you please let me know?
Time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
and maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to
So I'll just hang aroundand find some things to do
To take my mind off missing youand I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do
Yeeaah....I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I Drove myself insaneWishing I could touch your face
But the truth remainsYou're gone..You're gone..You're goneYou're gone...you're gone.. you're....GoneOhhh...Oh what'll I doIf I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn toBaby where will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart? Baby why don't you see?That I need you here with me
Oohhh...I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remainsBeen sitting here
Can't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remainsYou're gone..You're gone..You're goneYou're gone
GoneYou're gone..But the truth remainsYou're....

I feel like stabbing him

I feel like hugging him again

I feel like haunting him

I wanna feel his warmth again

I wanna slap him

I wanna laugh with him

I hate him

I love him

I dont care about him anymore..why should I?

I cant stop thinking about him...

I wanna forget that jerk, idiot,fool etc

I dont wanna forget the sweet him

I dont noe what i should feel anymore!

hmm..should i write another emo entry? haha o well here goes..might as well let it all out here better than trapped in my head..

Im 50% sad..50% happy..

>50% sad (?)

1 year 3 months 9 days.
I thought we could last longer than that..i guess in this case time doesn't matter..what matters is how strong we are. At first I was just thinking hard whether should i stay with him eventhought i'll be going to UK. When i finally found the will to stay strong..my bridge of effort that i built crumbled before me. A single brick from the bridge..thats all it tkaes to bring it down. Before i knew about the "news" ..i thought the time after spm will be the greatest ever! i always said to him :'everything will be ok after spm :D' or 'I cant wait till spm is over cuz by then we'll be happy once again :)'

I wonder what was he thinking when i said all that to him..very guilty? Sad? Or maybe even nothting at all! He hurt me so much..does'nt he know that?! Maybe he does..he just doesn't care..yet he says he cares..this whole thing is confusing me. I cant believe this is happening. There are tons more reasons on why im sad..but i just dont wanna repeat everything..im still trying to get it over with i guess..

<50% happy (?)

ok so there is only ONE reason why im happy. We broke up without fighting. its more to stuff like : ' Hope you get a future bf/gf which treats you better' bla bla bla you know? But now im starting to become..erm..less happy..the way he is now..sigh..

There are a whole bunch of emotions swimming in my mind..jamming up my whole system.

Its as if its an undone jigsaw puzzle..without a reference picture..

Im trying to fit them all together..so it would make sense..to make me realise what the whole picture looks like..

I am still solving the puzzle..analysing them piece by piece..

I wonder : how long would I take to finish it?

I cant wake up from my dream cuz hes still in it

I have forgiven him..well..half-half that is..

Am i too nice?

or too blind?

I am sad..its obvious..yet im happy..

Im happy that..the end wasn't as bad as i thought it would be..i thought i might make my love an enemy..

what a relief..

These are the lyrics for paradise kiss "lonely in gorgeous"
The song is not bad..the lyrics are kinda...............like wut im thinking rite now i guess...
I dont care about lyrics actually but this one caught my eye on the malay subtitles on animax during the intro.
The red parts are the parts where it makes an impact on me.
Wut do u think?

At midnight, I rushed out
I kicked the door,
My glass slipper broke,
and I also tore my dress
Hey, it's disgusting, isn't it?
Even if I chase you, you won't come
Tears fill up my eyes
and I can't run anymore
Maybe it's jealousy... I'm s-a-d...!!
"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...
Party night...I'm Breaking my heart
I want you to find me and hold me now
My headlights are shining
...where are you Bad boy?
I wipe away my tears with the scarf of love
and I can't see anything
I want to gather up the stardust
and throw them at you
Why should I care?
You can't love anyone but yourself...
Maybe it's heartbreak... For real...?!
"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...
Party time...I won't bury it
When you're not here, it's an empty world
I want to see the continuation of the dream
"I miss you Bad boy"
I won't be locked up in the glitter,
I'll break it down
"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
Where are you Bad boy?
"Lonely in Party night"
"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
I miss you Bad boy
"Lonely in Party time"
"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...
Party night...I can't laugh
I don't need anything, just stay by my side
"Lonely in Gorgeous" Yeah...
Party night...
I'm Breaking my heart
In the sparkling box
You left behind,
I held my loneliness and can't move
I don't need anything, just stay by my side
Get down on your knees, look at me,
and swear you love me.